The filming is paused to let the president recover. The priests from the temple suggest that puliyodari may be more palatable if the president alternated eating it with dadhiyonnam, the traditional dish of rice mixed with yogurt. The table is set with a different packet of puliyodharai (with the chili peppers removed), dadhiyonnam, and a whole set of extinguishers, liquid and solid. The cameras start rolling and the president finishes the challenge, overcoming teary eyes and a few more challenges. Editors start marking segments for beeping out his comments as he eats.
Trump’s popularity surges in the Iyengar circles. Well, not all Iyengars. Ranganathan Narasimhan, who originally proposed the puliyodharai challenge doesn’t regard the use of dadhiyonnam to moderate the spices to be legitimate. That disqualifies Trump from mediating in the dispute, in his opinion. He files a writ petition in the high court. He’s tentatively assigned a hearing in the year 2042.
Puliyodharai becomes a rage among the American public. Someone from California files a patent application for the formula, with the name ‘Cali-yodharai”.
The original packet of puliyodharai that caused the president trouble gets sent for lab tests.
The first lady, Melania Trump is to arrive the next day. Usha Vance and Durga Stalin go to receive her at the airport. The cameras roll as Executive One Foxtrot arrives in the Chennai airport. Not ones to risk their reputations for anyone, the baggage handlers in the airport send the first lady’s bags to the domestic airport. The foreign secretary gets involved to avoid this becoming a diplomatic incident. The first lady is eventually reunited with her luggage.
There is considerable buzz among the Iyengar women on the saree Melania Trump would be wearing on arrival. There are several underground betting houses taking bets on what colour her saree would be.
When the cameras sight the first lady, there are some audible murmurs. She emerges in a formal suit. People have naturally assumed that Melaina Trump would arrive in the traditional Iyengar attire. When this expectation doesn’t materialize, the Iyengar community raises a collective eyebrow. Trump’s popularity rating drops instantly.
In the next, in an unrelated public engagement, the first lady wears a saree, but still not in the Iyengar “madisar” style. The popularity rating drops further.
“Neeya Naana” Gopinath hosts a special episode with Iyengar women on whether or not the madisar should be mandatory for visiting dignitaries.
The prime minister is concerned at this development, and wants to get Melania some help with her attire. He calls Nirmala Sitharaman, and a simply cites a Thirukkural, “உடுக்கை இழந்தவன் கைபோல ஆங்கே இடுக்கண் களைவதாம் நட்பு.”, (Translation: A friend instantly rushes to one’s help as one’s hand rushes to catch one’s slipping clothes). Nirmala doesn’t quite know what language he is speaking. After a few interventions, translations and transliterations by his assistant, she realizes she is being asked to help with the situation. She clarifies that she doesn’t wear the Iyengars’ traditional attire. The saree is draped the other way in her community. She would need an Iyengar lady to help. She places a special SOS call to her friend, Hemamalini, the film actress. Hemamalini orders a few readymade sarees in the right style.
Trump sets off another controversy with an unforeseen, angry post in Truth Social, suggesting that Usha Vance had ulterior motives in not finding the right clothes for Melania. Wasn't she also the one who made the unrealialistic, mild version of puliyodharai to help him prepare, the president asks rhetorically - although he doesn't know what rhetorically means. The post is in the middle of the afternoon in the local time, as he’s jet lagged. Usha Vance makes no public comment, but abruptly departs to Washington D.C.
Meanwhile, the lab test results are back from the U.S. The report suggests that there was a mystery object - hard, smooth, with a strong smell - in the food offered to the president. The lab defers to the FBI nulear lab to determine if there was any radiation. Luckily, before things escalate, Srivatsan Lakshminarasimhan, a computer programmer with the FBI smells the object and identifies that it is a lump of perungayam - asafoetida, a spice used in Indian cooking.
Another diplomatic incident averted, filming resumes for the reality show. The two Iyengars, simply identified as Satagopan and Aravamudan, seem cold towards each other, but are very nice to the president. The president, for his part, seems quite taken with them. He is seen chatting with one or both of them in any break he gets.
The reality show already has the highest viewership of any show worldwide. It appears likely that there are indeed billions of Iyengars worldwide. In the first episode, the debate is whether the temple elephant should wear a Vadalakai namam or Thenkalai namam. Trump discovers the difference between the namams, letting the audience discover the difference along with him. He tries to solve the problem by reconciling the two styles to create a common one. He removes the foot of the Thenkalai thiruman and modifies the srichurnam to look like the red MAGA tie,. He calls Mike, a senior member of the American entourage, finds a pen and illustrates his idea by drawing his proposed design on Mike's forehead. There is a brief disruption in filming when the crew realizes that the pen was Sharpie, a permanent marker. Mike gets whisked away from the scene.
When filming resumes, Trump proposes his new design as the common symbol for the elephant and both the sects to wear. He offers to sign an executive order to cancel the tariffs on puliyodharai and dadhiyonnam imports into the U.S. The Iyengars politely decline the offer. The president gets quite attached the the elephant during the process. He sends Hagseth back to America to design a process to start manufacturing elephants in America.
Subsequent episodes delve into the details of the two sects, markata nyaya and marjara nyaya, the teachings of Sri Ramanuja, Manavala Mamunigal and Vedanta Desika. Trump looks initially overwhelmed, but seems to be fascinated by the religious ideas as time goes.
Meanwhile a few worrying messages from Washington come in. It seems like the second lady and the vice president had taken the president’s tweet as a personal insult and started impeachment proceedings to get him removed from his job. There seems to be reasonable support among the republicans and strong support for the democrats for the idea. Mike, the victim of the Sharpie episode, is said to be coordinating the efforts.
Trump seems serenely unaffected by all this, and proposes that they cover as many Srivaishnava Stalams as part of the reality show. The show seems to be a major hit in terms of viewership but the two sects seem to be no closer to peace than they were when the show started.
Shankar, worried about security, proposes to wrap up the show as scheduled regardless of the outcomes of the negotiation. The president seems unwilling, but the rest of his team is eager to head back to Washington to deal with the impeachment threat.
The filming wraps up. On the last evening, there is a formal dinner for the film crew, the prime minister and the U.S Embassy staff. Trump is back in his formal suit and tie. Someone asks him if he’s worried about the upcoming impeachment proceedings.
“If there is one thing that I learned from my friends Satagopan and Aravamudan, it’s the concept of Sharanagati. Nothing is in our hands. (Pointing upwards): He knows how to take care of us. I'm ambivalent on whether it's markata nyaya or marjara nyaya. We should do our duty, without worrying about the results, bouquets, or brickbats. I’ll do my job. The rest is up to Him!”
The American entourage stares at him, with dropped jaws.
Everyone notices that the white shirt showing through the front of his suit and the red tie resemble the Vaishnavite thiruman. The observation leaves most people in a meditative trance. Except the two Iyengars, Satagopan and Aravamudan, who start debating if it looks like a Vadakalai thiruman or Thenkalai thiruman!
THE END
Picture credit: Grok.
