The Surrender
‘Fifteen years rolled by. Ramaiya was a grown man, and had started doing the bulk of the work in the farm. He was stronger than me, both physically and mentally. He didn’t seem to mourn his parents as much as I did. We were comfortable and had enough to eat. We found a suitable boy for Kamakshi. Ramaiya always thanked God for being kind to us, but I wasn’t sure God deserved any credit.’
‘My nightmares still troubled me. I’d wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, remember that I was a grown man, and there was no one to comfort me and nudge me back to sleep like Gauri did.’
‘One evening, as I was drying my clothes, Ayya declared to his students that he had a new composition. He sang the raga nattai; his students repeated his phrases. Then he started teaching the new composition.’
The old man stayed silent for a minute, with eyes closed, and started singing:
‘jagada-Ananda kAraka
jaya jAnakI prANa nAyaka’
‘The song simply enumerated many names venerating Lord Rama. It was all in Sanskrit. Ayya explained the meaning as he went. He explained that there was no verb in the entire composition. It starts by hailing Lord Rama as the provider of happiness for the world. I found it fascinating. Stanzas flowed one after another. There was no symmetry in notes between paragraphs, no repetition. The variety and beauty in the composition was breathtaking. All the nattai I had learned came rushing back. I was humming the song for a week after I first listened to it.’
‘They were learning the song all week. As I started paying attention to the lines, the words offended me. How can you call a deity the provider of happiness for the world, when He allowed a young man and his wife, mother of two children - no, mother of three children - to be cruelly taken from their worlds? I had always had an agnostic streak in me, and pondering on the meaning of that song made me question the purpose of devotion even more. I was no longer a musician, but that did not stop me from questioning my guru’s statements as to how devotion was essential to music.’
‘I raised this with my guru when I ran into him next. He sadly shook his head and walked away without replying.’
‘My routine continued. It had been a bad year for the crops. It hadn’t rained. The rivers were running low. Kollidam was dry. Kaveri had some water, but not enough to flow into the distributaries. The canal adjacent to my fields was bone-dry. We were waiting for rain, and were aware that the crops were running out of time. Ramaiya and I tried hard, but we were a few days away from ruined crops, and possibly hunger, a condition we hadn’t known. What sort of parent I’d be to these children if I allowed them to go hungry, I asked myself quietly.’
'I felt sadder than usual after performing my brother’s annual rites that year. Guruparan, the priest, asked me to remember Gauri, but reiterated that we were making no offerings for her. My heart ached. I went home listlessly, asking Ramaiya to tend to the fields that day without me.’
'That evening, when I went to the river, Ayya was asking his students to elaborate the raga Arabhi. I sat with my eyes closed, remembering my guru’s Arabhi. After some time, Ayya sang a new song that he had composed in the raga.
‘amba ninnu nammiti nanTE nI kanumAna mEmamma?’: ‘O mother, why would you doubt that I placed my trust in you?’
I found this moving. Perhaps the reference to a mother?
Beatiful Arabhi seemed to rise like a tide and engulf the mantap, the riverside, and all its occupants.
As the song progressed, I was drawn in by its message. Ayya sang each passage and explained its meaning.
sarma dAyaki gauri dush-
karma kalusha vana kuThAri
nirmala tyAgarAja hRc-cAri
dharma saMvardhani OMkAri
My eyes welled when I heard the line ‘O Mother Gauri, she who confers happiness’. Another line implying that a deity confers happiness, but this time I had no problem imagining the deity to be a merciful mother, someone you can surrender all your problems to. She was Gauri, after all!
Tears obscured my vision. I walked without being able to see clearly, but my feet took me to the mantap. I settled on the floor as they completed the lesson. I sat still. As the students dispersed, a few nodded to me in recognition. Ayya looked at me quizzically.
I wiped my tears and took a good look at the man. He looked about my age, but the serenity and the aura on his face made him look older, wiser. I put my palms together to offer him my respects. I introduced myself, ‘Swami (respected sir), I’m a farmer. I learned nadaswaram in my younger days from Thiru Aiyarappan Pillai. Will you teach me this kriti?’
His austere expression eased. He seemed pleased. His eyes wore an amused look. ‘I can, but I will need to know that you are ready. Can you play something for me in nadaswaram tomorrow morning?’
I sat there, watching the streams left in the drying river for a little longer.
The next morning, I reached before daybreak, and waited for Ayya to arrive and finish his morning prayers.
I couldn’t have explained my choice if anyone had asked, but when he signalled me to play, I played the raga Nattai.
When I stopped, he started singing ‘Jagadananda karaka’, and signalled me to repeat it. I complied. I placed the nadhaswaram on the ground and verbally sang the phrases, as the words seemed important. It wasn’t the kriti I came to learn, but it didn’t matter. The deity didn’t matter. Complete surrender did. And worship through music mattered. Nadopasana, as my guru would have called it!
As we wrapped up, clouds gathered. It started raining. Gentle rain that landed on the leaves of the peepal tree. Soon, another kind of music filled the arena - the rustling of the leaves disturbed by the droplets, and the pat-pat sound of the drops hitting the ground. The smell of wet ground hit the nostrils.
I told Ramaiya that evening that I was handing the farm over to him. He had been ready for years. After a rain that signalled a fresh revival seemed like the apt time.
The next morning, I walked to my guru’s residence, placed a tray of betel leaves, a bunch of bananas, and a few coins at his feet and begged him to take me back. He seemed pleased as he embraced me. He looked old and frail. But something told me that his age wouldn’t affect his ability to guide me. It took me another six years before I felt ready to play concerts. But in the meantime, I was able to move people through my performances in a way that I hadn’t been able to earlier.
My nightmares mostly disappeared. On the rare occasions they did wake me, I was able to imagine Gauri singing me to sleep and fall asleep again.'
—---------
After the old man finished the story, there was compete silence, as if it put everyone in a trance. In a few minutes, his students respectfully approached him with their instruments. He gave them some directions in a low voice.
Everyone walked over to the riverside after a drink of tender coconut water. The students had placed a pair of coir cots in front of the banyan tree. The evening breeze had set in. They were ready to play. The music started when everyone was seated.
Richard felt peace wash over him. It was all glides and bends in the notes, not the kind of music that he was familiar with. But it was enthralling, all the same. Ponnan explained that the two songs they played were the kritis in Nattai and Arabhi.
- Saint Tyagaraja was born in the year 1767. He produced much of his work under times of great social and economic stress in the region.
- The Thanjavur region was nominally under the rule of the Marathas at that time, but was torn in the power struggle between Hyder Ali and the East India Company.
- The battle that occurs in the story is Tipu Sultan’s defeat of British Colonel Braithwaite at Annagudi near Kumbakonam in February 1782. Tipu was Hyder Ali's son. He led the army into that battle.
- Mysorean forces invaded and occupied Thanjavur region for several months. They plundered the countryside, destroyed crops and cattle, and extracted allegiance from King Thuljaji. This caused severe economic devastation. Folk tales talk about children being kidnapped on a large scale. This was considered a dark era for the region. Folklore refers to this era as Hyderakalam. (Source: Wikipedia)




